Books

Books are becoming more and more obsolete. Why would you read something when you can read the much shorter sparknotes version? Don’t even get me started wit books on tape. How sad is it when we have become too lazy to read! How much physical energy is spent sitting in a chair, sipping hot chocolate by a warm fire, reading. I have heard that the average American reads one book per year! I was shocked! I have a lot of catching up to do!

 

I was at a public library the other day, or as I call it, the poor mans internet. I have developed a new way of stealing music without letting it effect my conscience. I check out CD’s from the library then just add them into my ITunes. Believe it or not, they actually have some pretty good stuff. Well, while I was there I started browsing at the books because I like to read. Rather I like to have large bookshelves full of books that Im intending to read. That way I look more cultured when I have guests over, if I ever were to have guests. Anyways, I decided that most of those books, I’ll just wait for the movie. Everyone always says how much better the books are than the movie. Then I realized that it doesn’t matter who you are, if you go to a movie with someone and you have read the book and they have not, in your mind, you are automatically more intelligent and more elegant than that person. Its like a “free opportunity to be a pretentious jerk” card. That’s what I need to hear from the guy behind me all movie, “the book is so much better, you really get a feel for what the character is experiencing. Oh, that’s wrong, that’s not how it happens in the book. Look at all you poor fools, having to relay on the movie to understand Frodo’s plight. I already digested all 1100 pages that I will slowly and painfully deliver my commentary of onto you, all while the story is unfolding on the pitiful screen.” It makes me wanna turn around and say “hey! I tried watchin the book, but it just sat there!” So, I realized that this was my chance to be the pretentious jerk that considers himself an expert on all things nerdy, simply cause he did a book report in the fifth grade, which mostly consisted of a poorly constructed diorama.  So at the library, I decided I was going to “cease the day” and check out an actual book. Later I would watch the movie with a large group of soon to be impressed people.  So I checked out a book that I knew was made into a movie and spent the next 6-8 months absorbing its plot, characters, ad deeper underlying meanings. Well, when we were all gathered to watch the movie and I began sharing my Jewels of knowledge, I was disappointed to learn that almost everyone has read “Horton Hears a Who” . Truly, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.